Following my dreams

Sometimes ideas and inspiration come at odd times; in the shower, while in the bathroom, or in my dreams.

 Last night I had a dream about painting on canvas. This is of course something lots of artists do, but I have never actually done so. In my dream the canvass I was painting on was about 4 feet by 8 feet. so extremely large. and I was simultaneously painting two of these.
On one of them were some drawings that I had planned to paint very opaquely on top of my vibrant translucent mystical background. The frustration was trying to see the drawing behind the first painting.

 But that neither here nor there. What I did find interesting is that I had family members who had died making comments about my work and talking about how proud they were of my creativity. Both my mother and my grandfather who I struggled with in life were saying how they always knew I was talented and following this path was the right one for me. 

Anyway in general the dream felt very positive and I feel inspired to go pick up a couple of small canvasses to play around with. I have several types of paint and several media to mix it with as well as other ideas to try out. So yeah. I am gonna play with these.
I am completely ready for failure in terms of achieving anything like my dreams but the chance to play and experiment has me excited.

Following my dreams literally, almost never happens and when I do I seldom achieve the vision of my dream, but I often achieve something interesting. 
Those quiet moments when your mind can speak to you and help you to create are important and to be cherished and listened to.
Seek them out.

Second hand middle class

We try to make our "make do" spirit a virtue. But in reality it is how we survive. Unlike the younger folks exiting institutions of higher learning with massive debt, my husband and I are now beyond those years. It only took a decade to pay off what I owed. 
But we are like so many we know living that second hand lifestyle, not actually because we are adamant tree hugging save the planet at all cost types, but rather because we can't really afford anything else.
In my grandmother's day she raised 3 daughters, through the deprivations of WWII on just my grand father's salary and the ration books. And an active garden that kept them fed along with the extended family. After that was over though my grand mother was quite fond of name brand clothing and matching shoes and hand bags. She can and did occasionally sew something for herself, but she enjoyed shopping. They also managed to save a nice retirement investment and had grandpa's pension that allowed them to travel extensively after he retired.
In my parent's day they raised 4 kids on one salary. though having an extensive garden was also part of that picture. They too managed a retirement saving that allowed them to travel a bit though not as extensively as my grandparents had. My mother also enjoyed shopping and while we were by no means wealthy we did not struggle to put food on the table.
In my time the decrease in financial comfort is much more apparent. We both hold jobs that give us health care and retirement benefits, but we shop at second hand stores and even dumpster dive for clothing. We shop for bargains constantly and never buy name brand anything. We do not lack for most of the basics like food as we stock our freezer with fish and any kind of meat as long as it costs less than $1.50 a lb. 
The luxuries we do indulge in are few and far between. We are Not going to be travelers even after we retire as there will be no money for that kind of frivolity.  We are middle class, but only because we live a second hand lifestyle. 
Part of my hope in indulging my creative side with art and sewing and such is that it will bring an added financial benefit to our efforts.
I struggle to empathize with friends who post about trips here and there. taking a week or weeks off from work because they deserve a break. They complain about salary declines while they post pictures of lavish dinners they prepare from steak and truffles. 
They say necessity is the mother of invention so maybe too is desire. the desire to indulge in a nice meal or a week off work to travel to see family, the desire to buy shoes that are not on the markdown rack, the desire to buy clothing that actually fits rather than what I can afford. I am not seeking a closet full of shoes and matching handbags. 
I asked myself two questions today. What do I want to do? and What am I prepared to do? 
In my creative endeavors there is a real difference in finding financial gain vs. personal satisfaction.

Too Tired to be creative?

It feels like long hours and restless sleep cause by the stress of those long work hours leaves me brain dead when it comes to being creative. But I am not sure if it that or if I am just too aware that I will not have the time to execute anything outside of a very limited scope in terms of time and energy. So there is no point in putting thought into big projects or intricate exacting work.
I recently acquired a stack of jewelry magazines and as I flip through them I do not even let myself consider trying anything I see. Too much time, too much effort, too much learning curve, too much money, too many other pots simmering on the back burners.
I want to sit down and develop some long term plans for my creative endeavors. start taking classes instead of thinking about taking classes. start investing in tools rather than making do with what I have. Develop a structure of time that puts my creative self front and center of my daily routine instead of grabbing time in between other people's priorities.
Unfortunately I think that one way I have tried to justify my need for creative endeavors is to try making them marketable outcomes. I can always sell my bead work so its ok to spend time doing that. I can always give things as gifts so that makes it ok to do it. But the truth is that I have started becoming more invested in processes like quilting where I tend to like and keep the things I make with no other plan for those items. So do that just start to give me the mental space to take classes in glass fusing, mineralogy, jewelry design, and metal smithing. 
But these are thoughts for another day when I do not have the pressure of time pushing me to get enough sleep for that next long day at work.

When It Doesn't Work

Sometimes Life seems to stack the deck against success.
Improvising on an art plan that did not work out. Much to the disappointment of the 7 year olds and myself.
Trying to stimulate some creative writing in 12 year olds who only see writing as a chore and the concept of organizing thoughts as stupid. 
Some days I find it quite difficult when faced with set backs. Especially when I am doing my best to help stimulate the creative process in others.

I have been thinking about what I will do first when it finally gets warm enough for me to be out in my unheated studio space.

Photography will probably be it. I recently asked a professional photographer about how I should take pictures of my art skulls. And his advice was to just try different things. different lighting, different set ups, different cameras, different exposures... And take notes. figure out what works best so that it becomes second nature to get the right set up every time I want to take a shot of a piece I have done.

I admit I am one of those people that always resented the process of learning. Practicing clarinet, practicing hand writing, practicing throwing, kicking... I just hold some tiny hope that one day I will try something and I will be perfect at it. I won't need to figure out why or how or go through the process of getting better. 

It is difficult to excite others to the process of practice and improvement when I resent it too.

So i find myself opting for those processes where control and perfection are not part of the final product. Haphazard or maybe serendipitous would be a better word.

Serious business

I have had the opportunity to watch some folks I know wade ever deeper into the business of creativity. 

One friend, Lizzie Newell is a writer. She explores a world with its own sexual and environmental situations. But in addition to the pure writing there is the whole editing and marketing process.
She is blessed with the talent to design book covers for herself and a few others, but the effort she takes to understand self publishing, because her stories do not fit into a neatly defined mass market box that publishers push on unsuspecting readers is amazing. There are places for independent sellers and small scale publishers to get their product made and on the shelves, but it takes a lot of hustle.

Other friends have opened businesses as the outlet for their creative endeavors. Happily Carol at the Screaming Weasel in North Pole has recruited other artists (including me) to sustain and diversify her inventory.

I have also seen the efforts of other artists who network continually to get shows and their name out to galleries and businesses to hang their work for first Friday art walks or in pop up shops. or marketing through Facebook groups, Etsy, Ebay, Craig's list, and their own websites.

I find myself wondering if I would ever really have the energy and drive it takes to follow any similar paths. Because as many hours as they spend marketing their work they still find time to create new works for the public to enjoy and desire and buy. 

And more than anything I would need the confidence in what I produce to market at the intensity that I would need to to make it pay me.

Dumpster diving 101

The first rule of dumpster diving is try to avoid it if you can.

If you see something out on the curb or in the back alley that is going to be thrown out you can either just take it or politely let the former owner know that you restore furniture, create art from found objects, have a specific purpose in taking the object if they are ok with that. 
If you happen upon a house being renovated ask what they are going to do with any of the materials they remove. Things like older counter tops and cupboards may still be usable for you. Wood scraps can also be a great resource. The more you can take away the less haulage fees the home owner will have to cover.
If you actually see something in a dumpster that you really want you might also let the owners know. You should also make every effort to remove things without actually climbing inside. Sticks, rakes, something that will let you hook onto an object and draw it towards your arm's reach. And remember all that glitters is not gold. Wear gloves and old clothes to protect yourself from the icky things like wet food scraps, bodily fluids, dog or horse droppings...

Getting the setting right

Today I drove through some amazing scenery. Snow capped peaks, glacier fed rivers, wildlife in all its glory and dotted here and there were houses.
Some of them were quaint cottage size cabins,  others full blown mcmansions, rambling ranch styles nestled by old time A frames. And I though about how the home was so secondary to what it would be like living in these settings. Some of them were pretty remote or at least back on roads that would not be fun to drive daily in the middle of winter. But OH my! The view from the window/deck/balcony was amazing!
So if I found myself living in such a place I know there are some things that would have to be in place first. 
1. No job. Like I said those roads would suck after a storm
2. Capacity to hold a month's worth of food and supplies so I could enjoy each day without thinking about milk, eggs and waiting in line anywhere.
3. Art supplies and electricity. I want to be able to let the inspiration take me in any direction. fabric, paint, carving, glass, metal, clay...
4. Space to work and seclusion. If my place was right on the road there would be a constant stream of noise and lost travelers. If my lot was too small any neighbors might complain about me running an angle grinder at 2 am.

So do I expect to ever find myself in one of these perfect settings? Of course not, but I can bring some of these ideas to where I do live. and it may not quite as spectacular but it is pretty damned nice.